I am unsure why this continues to occur, possibly the company should be more cautious with disposing of their waste. However, Macworld’s investigators have discovered yet another script and practice recording for an upcoming Apple press event. It took longer than usual this time due to the unusual timing, but once again we are aware of everything that will take place tonight and are ready to share the secret with you!
So here, minute by minute, is everything that will be announced at the ‘Scary Fast’ Mac event. (Editor’s note: Here’s how you can watch the actual event in the real world.)
At 16:57, the pre-stream starts. Best of luck to all the boomer tech journalists trying to identify the newest pop songs. The first song playing is “Mrs. Boothroyd’s Holiday Dancer” by Onion Terror. You can use Shazam to identify it.
At 5:00 PM, the livestream is now active. A digital camera flies above the beautifully sunny Apple Park, which appears to be trapped in an endless summer like Narnia. It eventually descends in front of the rainbow and lands on…
At 5:02 PM, has Apple TV+ acquired the second season of “Wednesday!”, the popular horror-themed Netflix show starring Jenna Ortega?
“At 5:03pm, Ortega expresses her fondness for this season when the darkness creeps in and serves as a reminder of death’s inevitability. She also mentions enjoying candy during this time.”
At 5:04 PM, Ortega inquires of Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, as he appears awkwardly dressed as a medieval knight in the frame. Cook responds that he finds it frightening to have an Apple product repaired by a non-authorized business. He also mentions the impressive speed of the new Mac products being unveiled tonight, which are eerily well-equipped.
At 5:05 PM, Jenna Ortega has received her payment and left without a trace.
The MacBook Air and Mac mini from the M3 series.
Apple’s CEO, Cook, announced that the M2 chips have been a huge success and that they are now introducing the M3 chips. He believes that the new M3 chips will make the Mac even better and contribute to making the world a better place through innovative and seamless technology.
At 5:09 PM, Cook exclaimed, “Boo! Check it out, there’s a skeleton!”
Jeff Williams, the chief operating officer of Apple, arrives at Apple Park at 5:10 PM, exuding confidence as he strolls around the corner and playfully snaps his fingers. He’s sporting a costume resembling a funky skeleton.
At 5:11 PM, Williams performs a handstand while singing the chorus of the song “Bigmouth Strikes Again.”
At 5:13 PM, Williams quickly stands up and praises Apple for their impressive selection of products for tonight’s presentation. He compares it to the excitement of witnessing a baby bird hatch from its egg.
At 5:15 PM, we are viewing dynamic CGI visuals of a laptop, but the cuts are too precise and the zooms are too intense to clearly identify the specific laptop. Is this the highly-anticipated new MacBook Pro?
It’s not just any laptop, it’s the latest MacBook Air!
At 5:19 PM, Williams proudly declares, “Our latest MacBook Air, equipped with M3, is the quickest non-Pro laptop to be launched by Apple. It maintains the beloved design and long-lasting battery life, but now with the added strength of M3. It comes with 10 CPU cores and 10 GPU cores as the new standard, as well as an enhanced Neural Engine with even more power.”
At 5:22 PM, Williams mentions that the new Air is comparable in strength to a wildebeest.
The latest version of the MacBook Air, featuring the M3 processor, has a starting price of $1,099/£1,099 for the 13-inch model. This is a slight decrease in price for U.K. buyers compared to the previous M2 model. Pre-orders will be available on Wednesday, with shipping beginning on Friday, November 10 – just in time for the holiday season!
At 5:25 PM, there was more impressive computer-generated imagery, this time featuring the Mac mini or Mac Studio. It appears to be the Mac mini, which aligns with our current focus on the entry-level Mac models.
At 5:26 PM, Williams playfully mentions that the Mac mini may be small in size, but it packs a big punch in performance. Thanks to the powerful M3, you can do anything you want with it – from gaming to filing taxes to designing a newsletter for your crochet club. It’s the fastest compact Mac ever created and we believe you’ll be impressed.
The base model of the Mac mini featuring an M3 processor is priced at $649/£649 and comes with 256GB of storage. It appears that the U.S. price has been increased to match the U.K. price. Similar to the MacBook Air, the new Mac mini will be available for shipping on November 10.
At 5:30 PM, Tim Cook has returned to summarize. It appears that this section has concluded.
The new iMacs
At 5:32 PM, Cook stated, “When Mac comes to mind, what comes to mind? iMac.” He continued, “This autumn, we are embracing iMac with a resounding ‘yes, Mac!’ We strive to create an iMac that truly reflects ‘you’.”
At 5:34 PM, Cook says, “Hello, Mac!”
At 5:35 PM, the video switches to a TV commercial, providing a welcome break. The focus is on Jenna Ortega, creating a newsletter for her crochet club on a unique 24-inch iMac with a never-before-seen purple and black striped design.
At 5:37 PM, what is occurring? It appears that Ortega has performed a magical incantation on the iMac as it is visibly increasing in size! It could possibly be a model of at least 28 inches now.
At 5:39 PM, Jeff Williams returns and excitedly exclaims, “The iMac is getting a makeover for 2023 and we’re eager for you to see it!”
At 5:40 PM, it’s time for CGI. The iMac is as visually impressive as always, and the addition of a larger screen (and potentially, a more powerful specifications that typically accompany the bigger model) will be greatly welcomed by fans of the machine.
At 5:42 PM, the latest iMac is now offered in two different sizes: the familiar 24 inches and a new 28-inch model that is larger than all previous versions. Additionally, customers can choose from a variety of two-color patterns, such as stripes, spots, and other designs, to personalize their iMac. Apple is anticipating that these customization options, which can be selected on their website or with the help of a Genius if purchased in-store, will increase interest similar to the laser engraving options available for AirPods, AirTags, and Apple Pencils.
At 5:45 PM, Williams confidently claims that M3 marks the next step in the development of silicon. However, evolution is a continuous process and M3 Pro can be compared to a frightening cyborg with advanced abilities such as laser vision and metal arms.
At 5:47 PM, the 24-inch iMac is aimed at less serious buyers and is only offered with the M3. It begins at $1,349/£1,349. The 28-inch version has the option of M3 or M3 Pro and starts at $1,549/£1,549 for the basic configuration. Both will be released on November 10th.
Dominik Tomaszewski / Foundry
A MacBook Pro equipped with an M3 processor.
At 5:50 PM, Tim Cook has returned and he appears to be more enthusiastic than we have ever witnessed before.
“At 17:51, the speaker expressed how Apple has consistently been a pioneer in enhancing the customer experience. They also mentioned their enthusiasm for further pivoting towards synergy in the future.”
At 5:53 PM, a computer-generated video of a different laptop was shown. We have previously seen the MacBook Air, so this could possibly be the Pro model.
At 5:55 PM, there is a photo of Cook standing in front of a large sign that reads “MacBook Pro.”
At 5:56 PM, Jeff Williams arrives back on stage in a hurry. He appears to be perspiring and has lost one of his shoes.
At 17:57, he exclaims to both Cook and the camera, “These new Macs are too speedy for me! I’m struggling to keep up!”
“At 5:59 PM, I stated that correctly, Jeff. However, what if I were to inform you that the latest Macs are actually even more efficient than you had anticipated?”
“That’s even faster! It’s frightening!”
At 6:01 PM, Jeff was asked to share the specifications of the new MacBook Pro models, which are designed to promote thought leadership and make a positive impact on the world.
At 6:01 PM, Williams announced that the latest MacBook Pros are now offered in 14 and 16-inch options, featuring either the M3 Pro or the more advanced M3 Max processor. It is unclear if the 13-inch model is still being produced.
“At 6:03 PM, Williams claims that the speed of the M3 Max is so intense that it could potentially burn your hands while simply removing the MacBook Pro from its packaging. He states, “I am not joking. I accept full accountability. There have been multiple significant injuries.”
At 18:05, the latest version of the MacBook Pro is available for $2,099/£2,099 with the M3 Pro and a 14-inch screen. It has been confirmed that the 13-inch MacBook Pro is discontinued. However, the 14-inch Pro with M2 will continue to be sold at a reduced price of $1,799/£1,799 to compensate for this change.
At 18:08, there is additional news. Williams has just announced the release of a new Mac Studio. Similar to the MacBook Pro, it has been upgraded with M2 Pro and M2 Max chipsets and will be available for purchase on November 10. The starting price is $1,999/£1,999.
Dominik Tomaszewski / Foundry
One more thing
At 6:10 PM, it appears that things are coming to a close. Williams has made an announcement, and Jenna Ortega has come back to the stage dressed as Michael Douglas from “Falling Down”.
At 6:12 PM, Cook inquires, “Did you have a good time during our bone-chilling Mac spooktacular?”
At 6:13 PM, Tim, I have definitely noticed that. I only wish we could make a statement about the creative professional desktop market, which Apple has ignored for such a long time.
At 6:14 PM, Jenna, it’s amusing that you mentioned that because there is still one more topic to discuss.
At 6:15 PM, Jeff Williams has returned and is now dressed as a younger version of Morrissey.
At 6:16 PM, he shouts, “I completely forgot! Look at this!”
At 6:17 PM, it’s CGI time. The design resembles an iMac, but lacks the vibrant colors of previous versions. It appears to be quite large. Is it possible?
At 18:19, I received the notification that it is a new iMac Pro with a huge 32-inch display.
At 6:22 PM, it is remarkable that the new iMac Pro is equipped with the M3 Ultra chip, considering we just received the standard M3 chip 76 minutes ago. Apple has efficiently released the entire lineup of Mac products in one evening.
At 6:24 PM, there is a significant detail to note. The iMac Pro has not been released yet. According to Williams, it will be available in the beginning of 2024. Therefore, we do not have a set price or release date, nor do we have specific specifications at this time. However, the announcement of the M3 Ultra and 32-inch screen are major highlights.
We are now concluding the event at 18:27. There has been an overwhelming number of Mac hardware announcements tonight. Look forward to seeing you at the next event!