Wednesday, May 22, 2024


Where your horizon expands every day.


Donald Trump is advocating for the protection of whales, but not for cocaine-using pilots in the airline industry.

Greetings to Declassified, a comical column that is published every week.

Take a moment to consider Mike Beaton.

A British Airways pilot has recently been fired for allegedly using cocaine with a topless woman before attempting to fly a full passenger plane from Johannesburg to London. Those of us who have never experienced such a day at work should not judge.

During his apparent leisure time in South Africa, Beaton chose to use it for productive purposes by sharing the scandalous information about his drug use and sexual adventures with a friend via text message.

According to an unidentified representative from the airline, “This conduct goes against the expected behavior of British Airways pilots.” Wait a minute, does that mean they are expected to snort cocaine and blow it onto a bare-chested woman? That seems strange.

Unfortunately, Donald Trump has not yet commented on this global event.

Of course, no one can top Trump when it comes to batshit crazy public utterings. The former golfer-in-chief and cheeseburger aficionado was at it again this week, claiming that windmills are driving whales “crazy” and causing environmental damage.

“There has only been, listen to this, one such whale killed off the coast of South Carolina in the last 50 years,” he said. “But on the other hand, their windmills are causing whales to die in numbers never seen before. Nobody does anything about that. They’re washing up onshore.”

He stated that it used to be a rare occurrence, but now it happens almost every week. The windmills are causing chaos and driving both people and whales a bit crazy.

There is, you don’t need me to tell you, no evidence for any of this whatsoever, as there wasn’t four years ago when he claimed that the noise produced by windmills “causes cancer.”

Unfortunately, Trump has a history of confusing whales. In 2019, he mistakenly referred to Wales (a country in the UK with notable features such as Snowdonia National Park and a renowned rugby team, also known as the “land of song”) as whales (aquatic animals belonging to the cetacea order, along with dolphins and porpoises) when he claimed to have spoken with the “Prince of Whales” during a trip to Europe.

Both the ex-prince of Wales and Moby Dick were unavailable for comment.


“Allow me, as God’s ambassador on Earth, to give you a tour, Pope Francis.”

Would you like to improve? Contact [email protected] or find me on Twitter @pdallisonesque.

Previously, we provided you with this image:

Thank you to everyone who submitted entries. We have selected the top submission from our mailbox. While there is no physical prize, the joy of laughter is priceless and worth more than money or alcohol.

“According to Frederic Myers, ‘Concerned’ with former President Trump is easily dismissed.”

Paul Dallison is POLITICO

I am the editor for slot news.